I think it’s really healthy to create a list of all of the things that you’ve actually created in your life by your choices. While I understand that this feels harsh when you first read it, but let me explain.
I want you to think back to when you were a kid/child. *If this creates a feeling that you feel you don’t have control over, please seek help from a therapist/couneslor.* A lot of those experiences you did not have any control over. Not wanting to get to into the details, but to say the least you are reading these words so you made it through.
Let’s start with you reading this post. You had to make a serious of “I created” actions to be here. You had to generate internet or earn money to pay for someone to provide internet to your home. You had to see this crazy title and think and follow through with, “ya this lady sounds crazy, but I’ll give it a read.” Then you had to click the link and read.
All choices you made.
Read this before you read further….
A lot of your choices are automatic right now and not really “under your control”, they are automatic. You’ve been conditioned to react in fear to your perception of reality. We all have. Once you dig deeper and understand where these automatic reactions came from you can practice self-compassion. In my experience this hasn’t happened over night. It’s from a lot of “why did I do/say that? What was I thinking?” moments. In my experience a lot of therapy and self reflections that ended in nights of tears.
I also understand that their are mental illnesses that can impact behaviors. All very valid and real. I highly encourage you do talk to someone you trust (family member, therapist, counselor, etc) to explore your inner world.
ALL OF THIS IS VALID AND I’M NOT DISCOUNTING IT. I HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH THIS AND UNDERSTAND IT.
Back to “The List”
Okay, so I suggest you start slow on this list depending on where you are in your healing journey. I wouldn’t start choice hopping on a situation that is big and that you haven’t explored. Maybe start with missing your eye appointment and getting taken off of their list. Okay, well at first this situation does create a feeling of, “How dare they! I deserve to be seen by them. I’ve only been late to 20 ( This is a joke).” There were certain choices you made to be late. Maybe you didn’t leave early enough, or chatted just a little too long with a friend. Whatever the case, you made a choice.
This list seems dreadful at first but it’s where all of your power lies. You are the creator of your experiences.